Reintroducing the value of shared expectations
Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash
Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a pattern in my coaching conversations.
Many of my clients are experiencing the challenge of misaligned expectations.
Perhaps it’s the changes we’ve all experienced to our workday (described here with some great data from Atlassian). Or the COVID-related increase in demands on our time. Or that many of us are just tired because we haven’t had a break all year. Maybe it’s all of the above. Whatever the reason, previously strong relationships are beginning to fray under the tension of 2020.
My coaching inquiry process is designed to dig underneath this tension to identify the root cause. Lately, the common cause has been differing perspectives - on goals, methods and sometimes even outcomes. It made me wonder why…
My theory, based on the series of conversations I’ve had over the last 9 months, is that we’ve shifted focus. We’ve (rightly) invested more time in the “how are you (really)?” and “what can I do to help?” conversations – and somewhere along the way we reduced the amount of time spent on creating context, discussing expectations and confirming alignment.
In our attempt to be kind to one another, we’ve reduced focus on the expectations we have of each other.
To be able to do our best, at the very least, we need a clear, shared understanding of what success looks like – and why it’s important. We can’t establish that understanding or calibrate our alignment unless we have a conversation about it. And we can’t course-correct along the way unless we’ve agreed what the course is from the very beginning.
So, how can we get back on a clear, shared, pathway forward?
Here are my top 4 tips:
1. Reframe the conversation as “agreeing” expectations - While I don’t want to get caught up in a semantic vortex, I think our common language of setting expectations inadvertently creates a problem. It risks becoming a one-way discourse rather than a co-designed, two-way dialogue. I recommend framing the conversation as establishing or agreeing on expectations. This creates a greater likelihood of reverse delegation - the stepping up to take responsibility (rather than the need to hand it down) and the sense of ownership that will help you to drive the team forward.
2. Anchor expectations to your strategy and your OKRs – Create the big picture context with your strategy and company OKRs and individualise them with personal OKRs. By connecting the individual with your company goals, you frame expectations as something you’re doing with them rather than doing to them. It also creates a stronger focus, on and connection to the problem(s) you’re trying to solve.
3. Create a conversation structure for looking back and forward – For me, this is about building regular habits to reflect and capture learnings as you go and integrate them into your expectation conversations in real-time. Ask questions like “what do we know now that we didn’t before?”, followed by “how might that change our plans? Over what time frame?”. Done well, these conversations ensure that no one arrives at a milestone conversation to hear “I wish you’d done that differently” or “you didn’t deliver what we needed”.
4. Reframe hard conversations as valuable conversations – I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me they’d delayed having a hard conversation. They’re usually talking about a situation where, at some level, expectations are misaligned (and they expect push back). I think the hard mindset creates an extra barrier to unlocking the value of shared expectations. Reframing the conversation as valuable or important creates momentum to have the conversation and to change. It reduces the potential inefficiencies that come with spending time focused on the wrong things.
Misaligned expectations create significant opportunity costs for any team. It’s relatively simple to agree that establishing shared expectations is important – but the routines that maintain that alignment take repeated care and effort over time. I’d love to hear about the way you maintain alignment in your team. What are your best tips?